


falon'din ma ghilana;

by bloodynargles



Series: adventures in canon; [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Blood, Blood and Gore, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Elvhen Language, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Gore, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Original Character Death(s), is there anything else? ive probably missed something, oh my god so many tws, there's alot of blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2015-11-16
Packaged: 2018-05-02 00:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5227283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodynargles/pseuds/bloodynargles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She curls into the smallest little ball she can, the letter pulled close to her chest as the tears leak from her vision, praying that sleep take her soon so she didn't have to live this life anymore. Perhaps for a moment she could pretend they were all safe, probably a life where she married Rivalen, had small children of her own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	falon'din ma ghilana;

**Author's Note:**

> credit for the elvhen goes to fenxshiral
> 
> in other news i picked the wrong thing for saving the clan and so. yeah.

Her whole body shakes as she sobs, the letter gripped in her small hands tightly. She'd excused herself from the war table politely, faked a smile through the main hall to her quarters, only letting her grief show after she had plopped herself down on the bed. The clan – she couldn't breathe when she thought of them, when she thought of her siblings dying or running or getting caught up in some trap that she cannot help them out of.

 

It would be a waste of Inquisition time to try and find them. Yet her heart bleeds and the tears still keep coming. They're hot against her cheeks, her fingers – her whole body – too numb to swipe them away, head spinning and heart breaking all at once and she wants to _yell_ , because she was the Keeper's First, she was supposed to _protect_ them. And she did nothing. Should have sent soldiers, should have done anything but that, anything at all. They were gone, and she failed them.

 

She curls into the smallest little ball she can, the letter pulled close to her chest as the tears leak from her vision, praying that sleep take her soon so she didn't have to live this life anymore. Perhaps for a moment she could pretend they were all _safe_ , probably a life where she married Rivalen, had small children of her own and the world around her wasn't so terrifying, so lonely, and for Creators' sake she had _no idea_ what she was doing. So many people paid the price for that. And so did her clan.

 

The fade Solas loves so pulls her in not long later, her wish for a dream not paying off, a harsh twisted nightmare of blood replacing it. She's sure she's sobbing out loud but she cannot seem to wake, nails scratching at her wrists, her voice hoarse from pleading out to shadows she vaguely knew were not real. Bandits slicing through her clan, pulling limb from limb, not discriminating whether it were a child or an elder, their screams echoing throughout her mind and its all she can hear, over and over. Oleander is yelling her name, like she's _there_ but she's not, and almost she thinks that Fira got out, her whole body shaking as she walks across the clearing where they had settled last, blood underneath her feet, small bodies littering the ground, hands reaching out for salvation when all they got was nothing. She didn't help them.

 

Her eyes move not of her own, searching for someone she hoped was not among them. Fira, Fira got out, Fira the one with the wise eyes and good heart, she got out, yes, took the children with her, ran, they ran, they- _No._ Her older sister's hair fans out behind her like a halo, the long dark tresses making her miss home, her eyes blurring as her gaze follows it down, blood matting against her hairline on the left side, close to her ear, golden orbs staring into nothing. Althrael's legs give out and she falls to the ground beside her, a shaking hand reaching out to smooth the bumps in her hair, a sob falling from her lips as she closes Fira's eyes with a soft touch, fingers lingering on her eyelids as she tries to swallow down her tears. _Be brave, da'lan_. That's what the dark haired one had said before she'd set off, backpack on her shoulders and purple washed from her hair the night before, Oleander running his hands through it quietly, untangling the tats that liked to form if she neglected it for too long. They'd both been reassuring, her twin brother smiling mischievously and refusing to say goodbye, mumbling elvhen in her ear as he hugged her before she left. Fira had lay beside her the night before, telling her stories of mamae and baba, her own memories hazy visions of people she wished she could remember. She'd slept curled against her sister's frame, how she wished she could go back to that, make the keeper send someone else, anyone else.

 

It all feels so _real_ , a shiver getting caught in her hunched shoulders as she curls herself over Fira's corpse, the sobbing never ceasing and the blood that coats her toes getting sticky beneath her touch. Somewhere she knew this was a nightmare, that she _couldn't_ be here, not now. But yet her conscience told her that she was, the lone survivor of Clan Lavellan. The thought made her sick, and suddenly she's retching at the stench of death that wasn't there before, not able to tell if her eyes are watering under the tears as she pulls herself up to get away – but the scene seems endless and the smell was getting worse, her eyes filling with tears and she falls, trips and lands on her behind below a tree she once loved reading underneath, the leaves letting just enough sunlight in for her to see clearly. She pulls her knees to her chest, rocking slowly as she closes her eyes, trying to pretend it wasn't happening, trying to pretend she wasn't here, she couldn't be here, she wasn't, she couldn't - “Shh, Lavellan.” A hand smooths over her hair and she can barely figure out who it is before she's pulled into their chest, the smell slowly fading as she grips onto their shirt, throat closing up as she tries to choke out words, questions, _pleads_. “It will be alright. You will.. I will keep you safe, lethal'lan.” They sit there for a while, and her tears subside eventually, still curled against his chest, his arms locked around her small frame, the scene around them having changed, the sun making an appearance through light clouds, the close bustle of her clan nearby. She sucks a breath in, moving her head slightly to get a better look at him, blue orbs dropping down to her own, a sad look within them. “It will never be like this again, will it?” He lets a sigh fall from his chest, pressing his cheek against her head, nose buried in soft blonde curls, his voice soft and sad when he speaks, his fingers rubbing light circles into her back. “No. It will not.” The tears come again and she hides her face in his neck, his soft mumbling of elvhen words she couldn't quite understand lulling her softly. They sit like that.

 

She wakes to a blanket pulled over her frame and the lingering touch of Solas as the dawn breaks, streaming sunlight through her windows, the doors to the balcony closed for fear of it getting cold, the letter resting on the chair close by, the crinkles that she had inflicted on it smoothed out. His voice echoes in her mind as she attempts to pull herself up, her arm having gone numb from laying on it all night.

 

_I will keep you safe, lethal'lan._

 

**Author's Note:**

> WHOOPS. (i feel like if the title doesn't translate to Falon'Din guides you then the wiki lied to me. to be fair i changed gods but. sTILL.)  
> also this is early, post fade kiss but like only a little while after? yeah. Obviously Solas has thought about it by then. pls egg.


End file.
